A Miner Variation In The Key Of Jeepers Creepers

The monster will look very familiar to you. So will the rest of the film, if you've seen a half-dozen of these teenagers-trapped-in-the-woods movies. Okay, so they're not teenagers, this time, but they may as well be. Three couples decide it might be a good idea to check out a nearly-abandoned ghost town, in hopes of finding the gold that people were killed over a scant century-and-a-half before. You'd think that with a title like "Miner's Massacre" some interesting things might happen. They don't. In fact, only about 1/10 of the film actually takes place in the mine. I had envisioned teams of terrified miners scampering for their lives in the cavernous confines of their workplace, praying that Black Lung Disease would get them before The Grim Reaper exacted his grisly revenge, but instead I got terrestrial twenty-somethings fornicating--and, in one case, defecating--in the woods, a gang of morons with a collective I.Q. that would have difficulty pulling a plastic ring out of a box of Cracker Jacks, much less a buried treasure from an abandoned mine. No suspense, no scares, and plenty of embarrassing performances give this turkey a 3 for nudity.

"They axed for it!"

And unfortunately, so did I. ANY movie that relies on a bad pun as its tagline or its title should be relegated to the $2.00 bin, but we decided to try a second consecutive bad movie for movie night. We had a winner in "House of the Dead"--go with that one if you want a laughable flick.

Some witch jumped into the water after being set on fire by Mr. Miner. Some guy took a dump in the woods. And that same guy grabbed a new girlfriend right in front of his old one. I don't remember much else. The last third of the movie was utterly insipid, and we were all waiting in agony until the end.

So Cheesy It's Funny

I liked this film in spite of it being a cheesy, low-budget "slasher." I adore Karen Black, no matter what she's in. I also enjoyed Jeff Conaway's cameo. Stephen Wastell is one of the best of the "unknown" actors in this film. Sean Hines also turns in a better-than-average performance for a film of this genre. The guys seemed to be taking it more seriously than the women. Alexandra Ford's laughable "southern" accent comes and goes with no warning. The plot is reasonably predictable, but offers a few surprises, so I'll leave it at that.

Continuity doesn't seem to exist in this film, so it's just as much fun to watch for the inconsistencies as anything else. Rent it or catch it on cable for a laugh, buy it if you're a hardcore fan of the genre. I caught it on the Sci-Fi channel, but now I'm going to order the DVD.

wow

this movie absolutely terrible ..not only was the acting awful but so was the sleep got while this movie played..this movie achieved the all powerful goal of crap ..i watched this movie thinking my 5$ wouldn't b in vein .but i was very wrong ..i guarantee u r better off just reading what i have to say about this unbelievably horrible movie b4 ..puttin yourself in the way of this dignity depriving movie ..i give it a negative 1 for trying..but no please no don't watch this movie..i had friends who joined me for this film..shortly after they were no longer found this movie actually will make u end your life please please don't see it i beg of u. if u see this movie make sure u destroy all copies because this movie is a spawn of Satan.

Not an atrocious horror film, just a generic one

"Curse of the Forty-Niner" doesn't really deserve a long and detailed review, so I'll just make some random observations about it:

• Cool opening credits.

• No plot.

• Is there anyone who's ever seen a horror film before and can't guess, within the first 20 minutes, who will survive and who will not among this group of walking stereotypes?

• Hey, that newcomer (Alexandra Ford) is pretty hot!

• Richard Lynch (made-up to look about 100 years old) and John Phillip Law have fun, tongue-in-cheek cameos.

• Karen Black has a bigger role, but she's not fun - she's rather embarrassing.

• Martin Kove is on-screen for about 40 seconds, but still got his name on the video cover. Did they pay him for this appearance or was it the other way around?

• I hate cheap computer-generated effects in horror films.